excerpt of conversation with maryanne: what marian taught me about loneliness

 These aren't all my thoughts, but this is what I wrote:

"Not every friendship is intimate. You can't expect that of everyone.

Nor should friendships ever be a mere means of dulling the intolerable gnawing of your loneliness. You should love others for the sake of loving, not for the sake of easing your own pain.

Loneliness is dangerous. Sometimes, in a strange way, we prefer it. Reality is often disappointing compared to the longsuffering relational fantasies our loneliness conjures up. The reality is, if you want friends, make them. 'The world is full of lonely people too afraid to make the first move."

In addition to these things, Marian taught me that even people like her--people surrounded by others, by friends who seek them out--were lonely once. That good friends are made, not found.

As one of my favorite writers, Brian Doyle, once wrote:

'Not until a few years ago did I realize that I was on earth not to be loved but to love. That's all. That's enough.'

Loneliness is the lie that to love is not enough."