weekly mood update

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I’ve been rejected on all fronts. No friendships, no Mokjang, and now, no church.

I’ll miss the children. I’m alone.

Do people care about me? Now when I ask myself that, I always think back to Hanah's question. Do I really believe that? Surely there are some people who care...

But how can I believe it if nobody acts like it? I have my God and my mother. But they are not my peers.

My work on the crisis line has begun. God is all I need. I was hoping for support as I moved into this period of work, but it appears I will have to brave it alone. Alone with God, of course.

It is okay if they reject me. But I pray that they will not be alright. That one day, they will realize that there is something wrong, terribly wrong with them... that they need God, that they must, MUST help those around them. No matter your place. No matter the cost. Give everything, everything, you white-washed tombs, everything you have, spare nothing...! You must suffer... you are called to suffer. Bear your cross!

God, I’m angry and sad and afraid... but you will give me peace.

And I will work. Though I am rejected for your sake, with you I am not alone.

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