my thoughts on the car ride today

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1) I post a lot more when my emotions are stronger. Last time I posted this much in a month (21 posts in March) was in October, when... well you can just look up the October posts yourself.

It seems so long ago...

And I had a more regular audience then, too. Although circumstances prevented her from reading back then, she's stopped reading now, too, as far as I can tell. And now... Maybe I write more on this site when I think people are reading because it's why I write here in the first place. Because I only really write on here when there's no one to turn to, there's no one who will listen to me (most people just talk, I do most of the listening... perhaps people are bad at listening because they never practice). So when all of a sudden I have an audience, voila, my last ditch resort of "I have nobody" turns into "at least I have these anonymous viewers" (shout out to the guy in Russia, whoever you are haha, unless it's just a VPN hahaha).

Do you know how discouraging it is to see a week's worth of posts all with zero views?

2) It's good to be quiet... Sing to the Lord, for my work begins tomorrow...

I wonder how well I'll do? I need to remember that it is not my job to save, but to calm and bring peace. To give hope.

3) In the sower parable, God is the sower, but so are we! Keep on sowing. Next time I teach this lesson, I will surely include this aspect. No matter the circumstance, no matter the soil, no matter the result, keep on sowing.

4) That car ride livened up quite a bit after David and Jane got in. That was really nice! I haven't heard my family laugh together like that since I was... I've never heard my family laugh together like that on a car ride... I want to be like that with children of my own, but I fear I won’t know how because I was never shown.

5) Lena, Bella, and Lauren are great. I love the kids. They came up to me today while I was reading! We had a little chat. Lauren was kind of rude to me in her joking manner as always.

Lena was very insistent on having me talk about myself, I guess she realized I don't really say much and that I just play with them. So I told them about myself, what I was interested in, they don't really empathize with my love of reading but they were great nonetheless. Kids are awesome.

Bella and Lena always make the same facial expressions, it's hilarious. I guess they're closer with each other, probably because they look more similar and the age. Kids are like that, you know?

Today Bella took some of Lauren's drink; she was very blunt about it. Lauren started up, saying "Hey!" but Bella said "엄마 told me I could!" And Lauren let it go immediately. I was impressed. But next time, she should correct her younger sister and tell Bella to tell her nicely next time so that there are no misunderstandings or unecessary conflicts. But I'm the adult, haha. If I model it, they'll follow.

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