dreams (2) 4/30/2019 i dream about marian for the first time in a while
The first half of the dream is super complex. Like Ice and Fire levels of complexity. I'm trying to evade capture, I'm part of a team trying to retrieve something... I don't remember. I remember trying to sneak around and that if I get caught I die, but I escape. I remember we got what we came for, but I don't remember if we got to keep it or if we had to leave it in order to survive.
***
I'm talking with Marian. For whatever reason I joke that if she likes me she should just go for it, followed by haha I'm just kidding. Marian looks like she wants to say something, opens her mouth to speak, then decides against it and keeps quiet.
I can see it on her face the moment where she decides "ah what the heck I'm going for it" and confesses.
This dream is different from most of my other dreams because this time, there is nothing super intense on my end. A bit of surprise, like "she's joking back at me haha", but then, oh? And nothing else.
I don't really respond. But instantly I start acting super chummy with her. Right? Which as I said is different, not 'romantic', not shock or guilt or desire, not lustful or anything sexual or physical, just super comfortable, like with Adam. And I notice this, too. I think to myself, "I didn't really respond to her confession, I just started acting like I'm her closest friend all of a sudden."
I don't remember what exactly we start doing, but we start doing something together. Like, playing a board game? Something of that nature, you know? Either that or I just kind of lay on her lap as she strokes my hair. That scenario has a certain connotation so I want to shy away from it, but I remember I felt like a dog snuggling against someone. It could be the latter, but I also don't think we just sat there because I also distinctly remember doing something.
For the purposes of this post I'm just going to assume it was playing board games. After we played board games, it was getting late and I was really hungry, so thought about asking where she wanted to go eat. But then it struck me, "Oh my goodness, if I just played board games with her and we go eat right now, wouldn't that be another one of those scenarios that Marian's been in where it was a 'date' when it wasn't intended be one? I just wanted to play boardgames (or whatever we did) and then eat."
And then I realize that I'm enjoying myself a lot. And normally I'd say something here dampening like "I'm enjoying myself too much", but no, I deserve to enjoy something this much now and then. I feel so happy. I feel at peace. It's okay, because I am loved, so I go ahead and ask what she wants for dinner anyways. "Fancy" by TWICE starts playing in the background.
So for clarification; this dream was romantic, but not how my dreams have usually been. Not the fluttering heart, nor the nervousness. Nothing remotely sexual, nothing resembling an infatuation. Physical closeness is part, but not the essence. Just the gentle rest of companionship, the enjoyment of another and the knowledge that I am adored. Just playing board games (or whatever we did) and having someone that enjoys you. And I realize I never actually responded to the confession, I thought about it near the end of the dream, like "Okay I should probably be totally clear with a response now because communication is important."
I wake up with "Fancy" still running through my mind. It's still running through my mind, actually.
I wrote a paragraph justifying the normalcy of this dream but you know what, screw that. Let me enjoy my companionship, even if it is just a dream. I deserve to rest some. I don't need to justify my dreams to anyone.
Does anyone else have these kinds of dreams?
***
I'm talking with Marian. For whatever reason I joke that if she likes me she should just go for it, followed by haha I'm just kidding. Marian looks like she wants to say something, opens her mouth to speak, then decides against it and keeps quiet.
I can see it on her face the moment where she decides "ah what the heck I'm going for it" and confesses.
This dream is different from most of my other dreams because this time, there is nothing super intense on my end. A bit of surprise, like "she's joking back at me haha", but then, oh? And nothing else.
I don't really respond. But instantly I start acting super chummy with her. Right? Which as I said is different, not 'romantic', not shock or guilt or desire, not lustful or anything sexual or physical, just super comfortable, like with Adam. And I notice this, too. I think to myself, "I didn't really respond to her confession, I just started acting like I'm her closest friend all of a sudden."
I don't remember what exactly we start doing, but we start doing something together. Like, playing a board game? Something of that nature, you know? Either that or I just kind of lay on her lap as she strokes my hair. That scenario has a certain connotation so I want to shy away from it, but I remember I felt like a dog snuggling against someone. It could be the latter, but I also don't think we just sat there because I also distinctly remember doing something.
For the purposes of this post I'm just going to assume it was playing board games. After we played board games, it was getting late and I was really hungry, so thought about asking where she wanted to go eat. But then it struck me, "Oh my goodness, if I just played board games with her and we go eat right now, wouldn't that be another one of those scenarios that Marian's been in where it was a 'date' when it wasn't intended be one? I just wanted to play boardgames (or whatever we did) and then eat."
And then I realize that I'm enjoying myself a lot. And normally I'd say something here dampening like "I'm enjoying myself too much", but no, I deserve to enjoy something this much now and then. I feel so happy. I feel at peace. It's okay, because I am loved, so I go ahead and ask what she wants for dinner anyways. "Fancy" by TWICE starts playing in the background.
So for clarification; this dream was romantic, but not how my dreams have usually been. Not the fluttering heart, nor the nervousness. Nothing remotely sexual, nothing resembling an infatuation. Physical closeness is part, but not the essence. Just the gentle rest of companionship, the enjoyment of another and the knowledge that I am adored. Just playing board games (or whatever we did) and having someone that enjoys you. And I realize I never actually responded to the confession, I thought about it near the end of the dream, like "Okay I should probably be totally clear with a response now because communication is important."
I wake up with "Fancy" still running through my mind. It's still running through my mind, actually.
I wrote a paragraph justifying the normalcy of this dream but you know what, screw that. Let me enjoy my companionship, even if it is just a dream. I deserve to rest some. I don't need to justify my dreams to anyone.
Does anyone else have these kinds of dreams?
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