thoughts on some friends of mine.
Alright, alright. I usually talk with Christy with this kind of stuff, but I can't.
And yes, for this episode of Jacob's ranting I won't be mentioning any names.
Alrighty.
I'm feeling it again. Tokyo Ghoul: Re's publication has been making me feel the edge.
But it's a minor edge this time. Right now I'm dominated by that crushing pain in my chest. God, it makes me so sad.
So some friends of mine are having a dispute. I love them both very much, so it tears me apart to see both of them so damaged. I want to help. I want to help. But what can I do? It hurts so much. God, you know how it is.
I'm so sad. Everywhere I go, I see people who need help. It turns out another one of my friends is suicidal. Or at least is showing the signs. I feel like everyone I know suddenly has issues. God, is this it? You've put me here, but what can I do? I'm not wise enough... I have the urge, the need to help. But what can I do? They've friend-zoned me -- I don't want to be friendly, I want to save them!
I can only pray that my listening has comforted them. I can only pray that God would give me wisdom to guide, strength to suffer, be unafraid.
I wish I could let you guys know how much I care. You have no idea. Maybe that's why I created this blog: out of the vain and foolish hope that you might stumble upon it, and that you would understand how much I care.
You, whom I made awkward eye contact with on the stairs once, please, stop holding grudges. It's not worth it. It doesn't help, it doesn't change anything. Please, stop, I hate watching you tear yourself apart over bygone mistakes. I know you want to be loved, sought after, cherished, but you can't force people to. I know it sucks, I know it hurts, but please, you can't tear yourself apart like that. People make mistakes. You are only hurting yourself. If you really want to repair a relationship, you can't stonewall. You have to earnestly seek them out, be exposed, be vulnerable. I know that's hard. But if you really cared enough, you would. And so would your friend. But it's on both of you. And if you do, but your friend doesn't, it's on you to stay strong. You can't just say, "I tried, but you didn't care so I give up," because that just means you never really cared in the first place, you just wanted to give the impression you did. Wouldn't you be the same, then?
And You, my dear companion who worries too much about image. If you are smart, interesting, charming, does it matter what other people think? You already know that you shouldn't be so caught up in image: you said you're disgusted with yourself. But all that does is show your honest intentions. You want to be better, to improve, to fix yourself, and, like I've said with Adam, that's truly beautiful.
And I know it's hard with your friend. Perhaps it disturbs you that you've become so alienated from her. Maybe, you think, you should give up. The friendship isn't the most practical, or the most beneficial relationship. You two drifted apart a long time ago. It's time to let go, you think.
But you care, don't you? You care enough to think about it. Care enough to talk about it. Care enough to feel disgusted with yourself, care enough to want to fix the situation. Just too tired to keep going. Too lost, too hopeless. What, you're cutting the friendship because she isn't helpful in projects? Because she's not a good person? Because she's not intellectually stimulating? I beg you, you have to try! You have to! Don't you understand? This is the hard love.
And you care. I know you do. You care enough to torment yourself over it. When I see you, I see a pure heart. You care, you really do. If you didn't care, why would you talk to me about it?
Honestly, you two enrage me. I'm stuck in this swirl of emotion. I have that slow-boiling anger, but also that numbing pain. The kind that makes me, cry, "Why? Why? Why?" That kind resentment, that quiet fury. It's so aggravating. I wish I could be in your shoes. That I could lead you, guide you. You have no idea how much I care...
I've said it already, but I'll say it again: you have to seek each other. You have to try. You have to be vulnerable. It will hurt. Probably. You can't just turn your heart to stone, which I know is very tempting to do. You can't just give up, say, nah, I don't think it's worth the effort.
It's possible. And no matter the cost, it will always be worth the effort.
Please, I beg the both of you, come to peace with each other.
And yes, for this episode of Jacob's ranting I won't be mentioning any names.
Alrighty.
I'm feeling it again. Tokyo Ghoul: Re's publication has been making me feel the edge.
But it's a minor edge this time. Right now I'm dominated by that crushing pain in my chest. God, it makes me so sad.
So some friends of mine are having a dispute. I love them both very much, so it tears me apart to see both of them so damaged. I want to help. I want to help. But what can I do? It hurts so much. God, you know how it is.
I'm so sad. Everywhere I go, I see people who need help. It turns out another one of my friends is suicidal. Or at least is showing the signs. I feel like everyone I know suddenly has issues. God, is this it? You've put me here, but what can I do? I'm not wise enough... I have the urge, the need to help. But what can I do? They've friend-zoned me -- I don't want to be friendly, I want to save them!
I can only pray that my listening has comforted them. I can only pray that God would give me wisdom to guide, strength to suffer, be unafraid.
I wish I could let you guys know how much I care. You have no idea. Maybe that's why I created this blog: out of the vain and foolish hope that you might stumble upon it, and that you would understand how much I care.
***
You, whom I made awkward eye contact with on the stairs once, please, stop holding grudges. It's not worth it. It doesn't help, it doesn't change anything. Please, stop, I hate watching you tear yourself apart over bygone mistakes. I know you want to be loved, sought after, cherished, but you can't force people to. I know it sucks, I know it hurts, but please, you can't tear yourself apart like that. People make mistakes. You are only hurting yourself. If you really want to repair a relationship, you can't stonewall. You have to earnestly seek them out, be exposed, be vulnerable. I know that's hard. But if you really cared enough, you would. And so would your friend. But it's on both of you. And if you do, but your friend doesn't, it's on you to stay strong. You can't just say, "I tried, but you didn't care so I give up," because that just means you never really cared in the first place, you just wanted to give the impression you did. Wouldn't you be the same, then?
***
And You, my dear companion who worries too much about image. If you are smart, interesting, charming, does it matter what other people think? You already know that you shouldn't be so caught up in image: you said you're disgusted with yourself. But all that does is show your honest intentions. You want to be better, to improve, to fix yourself, and, like I've said with Adam, that's truly beautiful.
And I know it's hard with your friend. Perhaps it disturbs you that you've become so alienated from her. Maybe, you think, you should give up. The friendship isn't the most practical, or the most beneficial relationship. You two drifted apart a long time ago. It's time to let go, you think.
But you care, don't you? You care enough to think about it. Care enough to talk about it. Care enough to feel disgusted with yourself, care enough to want to fix the situation. Just too tired to keep going. Too lost, too hopeless. What, you're cutting the friendship because she isn't helpful in projects? Because she's not a good person? Because she's not intellectually stimulating? I beg you, you have to try! You have to! Don't you understand? This is the hard love.
And you care. I know you do. You care enough to torment yourself over it. When I see you, I see a pure heart. You care, you really do. If you didn't care, why would you talk to me about it?
***
Honestly, you two enrage me. I'm stuck in this swirl of emotion. I have that slow-boiling anger, but also that numbing pain. The kind that makes me, cry, "Why? Why? Why?" That kind resentment, that quiet fury. It's so aggravating. I wish I could be in your shoes. That I could lead you, guide you. You have no idea how much I care...
I've said it already, but I'll say it again: you have to seek each other. You have to try. You have to be vulnerable. It will hurt. Probably. You can't just turn your heart to stone, which I know is very tempting to do. You can't just give up, say, nah, I don't think it's worth the effort.
It's possible. And no matter the cost, it will always be worth the effort.
Please, I beg the both of you, come to peace with each other.
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