dreams (2) 4/5/18 RJ, launchpads, marian

-
I'm on a car somewhere with RJ and the driver. I'm sitting shotgun. We're going to some ceremony. Maybe it's a graduation ceremony. Maybe it's a concert performance. I'm playing the launchpad as we're driving. I say something about how Minecraft videos always use Flight. RJ's laughing, and I keep going about the subject because he keeps laughing.

We get to the place, and I meet Marian. She's working hard on something (I think it's a piece of music she's learning to sing). She's all dressed up. I leave her alone because she's working. I think, man, she works so hard, unlike me. I sit by RJ... enjoying his company... [fin].

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

thoughts on ashley ... i feel as though there may be many of these in the future.

-
can't sleep for my life rn. I find myself growing fonder and fonder of Ashley. As fond as I am of Megan, even. There is a hole burning in my chest as I write this. I knew what she meant when she said, "I think this relationship will make me sad." I didn't need to ask. But I asked, anyways. I wanted to hear her say it. Why does she like me? It would be so much easier if she didn't. I would love her quietly like I do with the others. Write about her, think about her, dream about her. I dreamt about her three times this week. I didn't tell her about them though. Why can't she be Christian? Maybe it's for the best. I imagine I would be far too distracted if she was; I can't trust myself to handle a relationship without failing school--at the moment. Even as she is now, she has been so good to me. She has been good for me. Not without her flaws, of course; how much more beautiful she would be if she loved Christ! But she is someone nested within regardl...
Read more

dreams (2) 4/15/20 i love elisabeth and now I’m fucking lonely again I hate this

-
I dream I am in a relationship with Elisabeth Lau. Actually the dream begins with her confessing to me. These dreams are always so nice... I hate this. Why must I always dream of fantasies, never substance? Why do I now long for someone I was never even talked to, let alone was friends with? I’ve been calling with Mikayla recently. But I wish I had a friend. Maybe she’s a friend. I don’t know what friends are anymore. I hate dreams. They always remind me of how awful my loneliness is. I’m fine for months and then bam, one night passes and life is fucking miserable again. I just wish I had a friend—no, something more than a friend. Maybe. I don't know what a friend is anymore. I want someone I can talk to whenever I want, who enjoys me enough to seek me out on their own. But can you call that a friend? I think you can, but experience has shown me other people don’t. Other people think you’re weird, or a creep, or desperate if you come on so strongly. So I come here. God I’m ...
Read more

eternal sunshine, kissing, and handholding

-
Hey, I’m starting a new series. One about plans for my future girlfriend/wife. For reference. I don’t want to forget these ideas. First, Eternal Sunshine. We HAVE to watch this movie. First or second date. Or third. Honestly I don’t care we just HAVE to watch it, I love it so much. I’ve watched it three times now. That’s in the past month. Second, kissing. When I stayed at Marian’s house, her dog Hamlet would pounce on me every morning with a flurry of kisses. I know it’s just a dog, but... I really liked that. It made me feel loved. I want to make sure that my wife feels that way, so I kiss my wife every day. In the morning, when I wake up, and when we go to bed, regardless of if she’s aware of it or not. Those two are the very minimum. Even if I’m grumpy or upset. I want to remind myself—and remind her—that I love her. Third, I will always hold her hands if we come to argue. Heck, I’ll hold her hand everywhere. This one I’m sure I won’t forget because I practically practice it ...
Read more