Open Scribbles

i am constantly wondering if my posts are read now. why was this last post so vulnerable? i am afraid.

can't sleep for my life rn. I find myself growing fonder and fonder of Ashley. As fond as I am of Megan, even. There is a hole burning in my chest as I write this. I knew what she meant when she said, "I think this relationship will make me sad." I didn't need to ask. But I asked, anyways. I wanted to hear her say it. Why does she like me? It would be so much easier if she didn't. I would love her quietly like I do with the others. Write about her, think about her, dream about her. I dreamt about her three times this week. I didn't tell her about them though. Why can't she be Christian? Maybe it's for the best. I imagine I would be far too distracted if she was; I can't trust myself to handle a relationship without failing school--at the moment. Even as she is now, she has been so good to me. She has been good for me. Not without her flaws, of course; how much more beautiful she would be if she loved Christ! But she is someone nested within regardl...