Open Scribbles

I had a dream... I was wandering around this cavern-place with RJ when I see Katya's little brother, Benjamin. Now Katya's actually a single child, so I don't know where I know Benjamin from. Now Ben tells me, "She always gets so excited whenever you're around," but I haven't seen her anywhere. Now I tell RJ, hold up, go on without me. And I then meet Katya... I don't remember the rest. The dream leaves me feeling disappointed.

I've always held that love is made, not found, and so there is no singular "one" to marry. But then how do you ever know who to marry? Do you just wait for someone who wants to marry you as well, then you say "oh okay sure"? And what's stopping you from being interested in multiple people? Like, "I want to marry you, you, you, and you. You're all suitable wives. You'd all make wonderful mothers." I guess you'd just pursue whoever's the best available choice. But then what if they reject you? "Oh, I guess I'll settle for second best" then? I do not feel comfortable ranking people like this. But then what's the answer?

I've been too harsh. How can I know someone else's heart? How can I judge? They--not just David and Marian, but others too--are Christians still, no matter how imperfect or offensive. It is not perfection, but the struggle that saves. I really care about them. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I was so disdainful. I felt rejected, but maybe my aloofness was byproduct of other matters. I want to spend more time with you both. Marian in particular, as I already have means to consistently spend time with David. I don't want to just call. I want to spend time with you. Real time, before it is time to leave. I'm sorry guys. I was mistaken.

i recently found this song... this is incredible. incredible... https://soundcloud.com/user-907758752/good-hands-1