Open Scribbles

Haha, jokes on you. You thought this was going to be some insightful thoughts about darkness when in reality it's just me feeling suuuuuper fucking edgy. Thoughts on darkness. In the literal sense. I can't stop thinking about darkness. I see Elizabeth, I can't stop thinking about the camper who has to confront the rape at home. I can't stop thinking about Isaiah. Geormond. Jordan Sider. Fuck. And those are the ones at HoneyRock, who have tasted that sweetness, who have felt the love of God. But what of the others? All the suicidal around me. Josh. Megan. God, please. What do I do? It doesn't stop. I see the little boy, I think of child porn. Serbian Film. Max, you knew of it. You've seen the darkness as I have. But who else has? Who cares? When I see Elizabeth now I feel like throwing up. I can't look at her without thinking of Max's camper and his friend. She was like that once, too. That's the age she was raped. And her friend has to fight ...

So it's the classic setup. It's night, there's a girl, and the dude's over at her place. It's brightly lit -- I'm talking to her in front of the stairs. I think to myself, man, I wonder what would happen if I just asked her out, like, "Hey, do you want to go out with me?", and she was like, "I'd love to, but can you watch the kids?" and I'm like "Wait what kids," and she's like, "Well I won't be able to leave until twelve (midnight) so I'd love it if you could watch my kids from ten-thirty until then," and I realize she doesn't mean she's a mother, she just has kids under her care at that time, and I'm like "Of course!" But then I start thinking, wait, did I just think all of that? Or did it actually just happen? And it turns out it actually happened and I'm thinking, oh wait, oh I didn't mean to actually ask her out! I'm happy that she was happy that I did, but I did...