Open Scribbles

So there was a tidbit where I was watching, or trying to watch, Finding Dory or Finding Nemo with someone. But I don't remember who, if the other person even existed, or if I was watching it or just looking it up. Okay, so I was back in the nightmarish world of engineering. And I was on vacation somewhere, or at least I wasn't at home or at school -- I think I was vacationing with Sarah -- and I ask Christy how she did this one project. I ask her in the way of, "Oh yeah, totally, I definitely understood the assignment, I completely -- yeah, uh huh, let's discuss this because I am so understanding of this material!!" She offhandedly replied something about replacing something with IB (or was it IV?) beams and re-configuring something with the internal wires... a very brief, very i'm-dreaming-and-this-is-not-real-science, technical reply about an assignment I had no idea how to complete. And I'm thinking, "Wow, Christy is so smart..." Maybe thi...

Not part of the dream, but I didn't get a National Award. But that's okay. I'm not What was the dream about? I'm not entirely sure myself, that's why I gave it a one (1). There's two things I'm certain of. It involved Christy, and it involved Dad. And the one part I remember with crystal-clarity is that I dreamt waking up at 4 AM, checking my phone, and seeing that some messages had been read by Christy. And I was like, "What, you're still awake?" And then I blinked and they were no longer read, and the rest of the dream continued. I don't remember much, it's all very vague. I have this image -- I'm unsure about it -- of me, at HoneyRock, it's raining (guess it must be swim test day), and someone's sitting across from me... I don't remember. I just recall constantly thinking, "How could you think that? How could you think that about yourself?" over and over again. Who is the mystery person? I don't ...

I should have written down this dream in the morning. But here I am, recording it thirteen hours later... There was more to the dream than I remember, I just forgot it in those thirteen hours. I was living in a house with some people. It was a blue, geometric house, as if it were made of colored cardboard. Of these people included my aunt, uncle, Christy, and Zach. There were others but I don't remember. My uncle kept following me around the house trying to give me advice about life, etc. Basically the reason I remember the dream is that I was waiting for Christy for whatever reason. But she never came. I walked around the house, and found her lying on top of a shirtless Zach. She was on her side, curled up, and Zach had a (I've never ever seen one but this is what I'd imagine it would look like) shit-eating grin on his face. I tore out of there as fast as I could. And... and... I started crying. I ran into my room, slammed the door shut, and just cried. And I did...

Writing this a day late... Whatever. I was in a classroom. There were only a few people, maybe three or four? Trudy was sitting next to me, and Mr. Dance was there too. We were talking about league. That's about it.

It’s like my brain had a family reunion last night. I was at the sort of tanned, stone building. It was sort of a cave, actually. Christy was there. She's distant, with other people. She runs up to me, and we walk and talk. In the distance ahead of me I see... Service Team. My family from HoneyRock. There's this rock-climbing sort of obstacle course tower in the middle of the cave, and the ceiling opens up above it so you can see the cloudy white sky. I can see Ethan and Wangai hanging on near the top. Trevor is smiling up at them from below. RJ is strapping himself into the harness. I enjoy talking to Christy, I really do, but the moment I see RJ, something gives inside. I have to see him. I have to talk to him again. A lump forms in my throat and my heart is pounding. Christy is still smiling up at me (I say that as if I'm tall, which I'm really not, but for some reason in the dream she is  really smiling "up"), completely oblivious. She kind of fade...

Gosh Marian. I wish you'd stop popping up in my dreams. This time you're playing Overwatch. I'm watching, from the sidelines, like I do with so many other people. Just watching. You aren't very good, and I can tell you are developing an admiration for people who do well in FPS games. I consider trying FPS, and wonder if this segment of the dream has anything to do with my conversation with Solomon yesterday. But that's it. Get outta here, Marian. Cut to me playing violin. It feels like I'm with Drew Lecher again, but the teacher is female and vaguely reminds me of my teacher after I moved. She tells me to wake up early tomorrow, we have practice, as if it were swimming all over again... I don't go to sleep. At least, I don't recall doing so in the dream. The next thing I remember, I'm in a room full of scorpions. They're stinging me, and God, it hurts. I don't understand how I didn't wake up. And I'm bleeding. Oh, I'm bleedi...

I had a dream last night and I don’t know what happened. But I do know it involved Riley, that one kid in science. I think I was at swim practice... The only other thing I remember is that Marian was somehow involved. Maybe it’s because I want to become better friends. Maybe it’s because I miss both swimming and the friends I once had (Katya?) and Marian kind of represents both of those in a way. Maybe I should just send Katya that damned letter already. Maybe it’s because I’ve decided that I won’t even let myself play video games with her. I’ll never see her after college anyways. She doesn’t need my help, and if she does, I severely doubt she’d open up to me; she has a family to turn to, which shows that, once again, she probably won’t need help in the first place. Maybe it’s because I’d like to open up to her, but Christy is already there for me and I don’t think Marian would understand my darker side anyways. Heck, Christy doesn’t understand either I don’t think. God. Maybe that’...

Katie K. is playing piano. It’s this sort of simulated piano, where she plays it but she doesn’t have to play all the chords and some things are automated. I walk up beside her seat and watch her play. After  a bit she stops and asks me what my favorite food is. I don’t know what to say. She then hugs me by the waist. It was unsettlingly realistic. I could feel her arms pressing into my back, her cheek against my stomach. I tried to escape her grasp because it made me grossly uncomfortable. Not in the sense that I didn’t enjoy the hug; I just felt like she shouldn’t be hugging me. Like at Honeyrock, how I kind of wriggled out of Elsa’s uncomfortably friendly advances. It’s strange, because I enjoy physical affection, but I rarely ever let myself enjoy it. Katie... it’s really weird that she was the one to hug me in the dream. I haven’t thought about her in a long time...