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Art is similar to philosophy. There is a perfect truth out there, unobtainable, and we have to chip away at our works, our thoughts, to uncover it. Just as a philosopher constantly tests a position with questions to grow closer to the truth, an artist constantly tests his art to see if it can be improved to grow closer to the masterpiece within. What is beauty? I think beauty is what God meant when He said “it is good”. It is a manifestation of God’s goodness. That is why beauty draws us to it, that we are mesmerized by it, that we appreciate it even if we can’t explain what we are appreciating. That is why God is the most beautiful thing there is. Both art and philosophy are attempts to draw nearer to God through self-discipline.

I was reading a bedtime story with Nora in bed. I think it was The Runaway Bunny ? And there was another kid, a little boy, reading with us too, but I don't remember who it was. I don't think it was Kingston because if it was, I would have remembered. Afterwards Zach's dad invited me to go drinking with him in a bar. I went. That's about it.

I went to my first day of Track and Field today. As I expected, I was grossly out of shape. And usually I just push through the pain and break myself to get better, but today I didn't. For some reason, I didn't want to be fast. I thought, why is strength important? Why is it good to be strong? What is strength, or being strong? The dictionary says "having the power to move heavy weights or perform other physically demanding tasks" and "able to withstand great force or pressure". I understand the significance of the second definition. But why is physical strength important? I somewhat thought about this when I quit swimming last year. I thought, "Physical prowess isn't the most important thing in life". I still don't have an answer to this question aside from "you can help people physically". But there aren't many 300 pound weights that people need me to carry around, and there aren't many instances where running th...

I woke up 5 AM and then went back to sleep, so I had two dreams last night. The first was another fight with my mom. I hadn’t had one a while, but the emotions felt very real. I lost my cool almost immediately. I was fucking atrocious. Fuck me. I ended up screaming in real life, waking me. I might try to be calm and collected on the outside, but inside, I’m still a fucking mess. When I woke up I beat the bed in frustration. I went back to sleep. I was on a cruise of sorts, but for some reason it had a massive jungle-like garden inside of it. And for some reason the cruise ship was also a massive skyscraper with elevators and multiple levels. Zach was in the garden, searching for a blue-stoned ring he gave to his girlfriend that had been stolen in a previous dream. Or was it the same dream? Zach walked up to me and cockily asked, “what’s up baby?” He reaches out to inspect my Service Team bracelet. I guess I was still heated from the last dream because when he snapped the bracelet i...

I was sleeping with Christy and Joshua on the car. Later I was just trying to drink milk, but I kept getting interrupted by this two-faced Dilophosaurus with fire and ice powers. Christy kept texting me, she was trying to help me with something because I was upset about something. Oh and Zach’s dad apparently was pursuing Zach’s mom alongside two other dudes, so there was this nasty four way life square. But when Zach bought his adversaries presents and blessed them, they thought “this man is better than us” and backed off. During this dream I also was still a swimmer.